We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
