last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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