I'm lost and stupid without you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
