Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
