Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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