Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I forget how to act sober
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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