i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
