I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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