oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
