Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
