If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
