whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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