I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
