We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
