Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
