i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
