ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
