If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
