I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
