Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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