mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
