This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
