Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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