So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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