Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
