found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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