Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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