I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize