you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
