hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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