i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
