Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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