It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
