Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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