drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
