Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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