Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
