I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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