Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize