worst night to have a conscience
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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