He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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