At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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