So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
