Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
