I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
