i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
