mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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