A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
