just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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