I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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