the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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