We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
