u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
