I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
