watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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