my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
