And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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