How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
