Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
