thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
