I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Its about making memories worth repressing
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
