He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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