Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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