My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
