i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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