Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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