Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
