My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
