woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
