My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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