There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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