I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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