So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pants are for mortals
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
