I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
