tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I cut my penus on the lid.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
