Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
