My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
